Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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