Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
