Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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