just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
