Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
