They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just invented taco cereal.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
