I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
