My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
