I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
