So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
