A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Houston, we have a blender
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
