so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
