fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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