You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
