No stitches, just platelets and will power
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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