Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
