My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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