dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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