My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
