The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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