Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
