I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.