i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS