i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship