I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize