I feel like abortions should bother me more
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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