If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
