Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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