He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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