i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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