Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
