I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
