I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
