I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
