He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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