Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
