Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
