i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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