What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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