He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
