New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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