you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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