i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize