Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
