He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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