i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
