it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
