Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
