Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?