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He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
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