remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize