508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.