Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.