I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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