My girlfriend figured out who you are.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
