I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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