This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize