I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
