lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
