Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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