I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
