I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
