i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
