Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
