If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The adults are the big ones right?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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