found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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