Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
