My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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