i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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